pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
You were trust falling into bushes
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
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