I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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