My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Randomize
