If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
