I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
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