U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
