sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Randomize
