i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
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