i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
