I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize