Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
