I just threw up on my dentist
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
