her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
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