well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
the night ended with taco bell and tears
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
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