Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
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