And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize