Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
