i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
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