I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
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