Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
I just googled if crying burns calories
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Randomize
