with your own penis?
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
God I need to hump something, right now.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
