that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
