It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
I need help removing her.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
