i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Randomize
