Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Randomize
