Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
what day is it and did you see me today?
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
