I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Randomize
