end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
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