so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Randomize
