YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Randomize
