but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
