The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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