living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
