im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Randomize
