you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Randomize
