WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
