Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
