I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
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