angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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