i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
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