Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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