In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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