I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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