just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
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