well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
