D3 body, D1 cock
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
