I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Randomize
