she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
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