I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
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