Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
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