He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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