Whod you bang
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
