I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
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