If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
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