i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
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