Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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