i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Randomize