turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Randomize
