Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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