Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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