I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
operation harelip BJ is a go
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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