Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
