Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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