Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
