Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
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