I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
