just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Randomize
