Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
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