explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
