In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
